Tuesday, July 23, 2013

snapshots from Nice


I wish I was curled in a beach chair in Nice soaking in the sun and reading a book. I haven't read a book since I got home from vacation. It's too hard to focus in the real world. Post-vacation funk is hard to shake!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

me me me

I've been home for nine days now. In the past nine days, I've worked seven, applied for two jobs, interviewed for one. I've spent hours talking to Kenneth, my parents, my girl friends and even my boss about what I want to do with  my life. What I want to do, who I want to be, how do I get where I'm going. I'm right at mid-twenties and all over my facebook page my friends are posting links to articles titled "my twenties aren't what I expected them to be," "quarter life crisis," and "how to tell you're in your twenties." All these articles help me feel less alone. A little more certain that I am not the only one who is still trying to figure it out.

The end goal is clear: Kenneth, the farm, kids, a life of simple goodness with the people I love. The timeline for this is a little more questionable. Will it be two years, five years, ten years until we're settled into our forever home? I don't know, Kenneth doesn't know. The interim years, however many they may be, are hazy for me. I want to stay on the path that will get me to the life I want. But how do I know I'm on the right path? There is no answer book to check before I make a choice. I can't skip to the end of the book to make sure everything works out. 

The only thing I can do now is make the best decisions possible with the information I have. To stop trying to see four steps ahead and to play the move in front of me. I will cling to the ones I love and make sure my life feels good and true. At the end of the day that's the best I can do.