I Got Somebody at Home

Is it wrong to have a crush on your home? I sure hope not because I'm crushing hard on our little yellow house. I've always been a homebody but more than ever all I want to do is curl up in my living room and stare at the little corners that are "set". I could do without the corners still filled with boxes but, all in good time. Since both Kenneth and I are homebodies it's important for me that  our home is comfy and fun and full of things we love.

We're slowly gathering the pieces we need to finish unpacking. We found the perfect hutch for our fancy dishes and a coffee table for the living room. We have plans to build a second bookshelf (boy do I miss the built ins from the apartment) and that will help since the majority of the boxes left are books. Kenneth built a huge spice rack since we had three boxes of spices (who the heck are we?). All these practical things are coming together.

In the meantime, I've thrifted 11 pillows in the last month and a half to try and find the perfect pillows for our crazy couch. We've settled on the above for now (and by "we" I mean Katie and I since Kenneth could give a hoot about pillows and, in fact, throws them on the floor whenever he sits on the couch). There are also 7 blankets/throws in the living room in various baskets or draped over chairs. I guess you could say my ideal home is comfy and cozy. Also yellow, I live in a yellow house with a yellow hutch and a yellow couch and two yellow chairs with a yellow and white striped blanket under which I take naps. Comfy, cozy, and yellow. 

sunrise on the front porch

I wanted to watch the sunrise so we woke up at 6:15 for a 6:30 sunrise. We pressed play on the coffee maker and grabbed our slippers and glasses, poured our mugs and stepped outside. The sun was up but it was still low so the light slipped through the trees and the neighborhood was still. The birds chirped quietly as they slowly began the search for breakfast. 

Side by side on the turquoise bench, sipping cups of coffee in the morning light. A little bit of conversation and a lot of companionable silence. We don't always need to talk when we're together. Sometimes just being together is enough communication. Sometimes all you need to say "I love you" is a cup of coffee at 6:30 in the morning on your day off. 

Our love has evolved in the six and a half years we've known each other and at each stage we've looked around and declared that it has never been better. Right now is so different from when we met at 19 and 20 and while I wouldn't trade those wild years; I also wouldn't go back there. I wouldn't choose vodka at 2 AM in the gazebo over coffee on the front porch at 7AM. But I'm glad we were there. I'm glad we share those memories. 

So much of our love is these shared years together; our history, one that we're still writing. So much of our love is looking to the future; setting goals and dreaming. And still, so much of our love is right now; side by side, sipping coffee on the front porch. When we look back at this time in the yellow house I hope it is with the same fondness as we now look back on our time in university with. I also hope that we look back with the confidence that the present is still the best its been.

What Makes a Grown Up?

This photo has very little to do with the post except that dressing up to take photos in a field isn't very adult. Or is it?

My brain has been swirling the last week or so trying to figure out why I don't feel like a grown up and what, in the future, could possibly cause me to finally believe in my own adultness. I'm tempted to start a poll of all the adults I know to find out what made them feel like an adult.

At 26, I'm old enough to vote, drink, smoke, and rent a car. I'm nearly two years married with a joint bank account. I'm four years into a career in which I'm expected to make business decisions and lead a staff of 10-30 people (who all listen to me, for some reason). I've signed a lease, bought a car, filed taxes, and registered for my own health insurance. I've voted in elections and traveled to several continents. I've moved away from home, made new friends (and kept the old), and learned to write thank you notes. I have had ice cream for dinner and leftover pie for breakfast. All good adult things.

I admit that nearly every day I make adult decisions and conduct myself in the manner of an adult but half the time I'm thinking to myself "is this at all convincing? how are people believing me? did she really just call me ma'am?" If I had to give you the age I feel it's much closer to 19 than to 26.

When do the adult-y feelings kick in? Is it after having kids? Is it after buying your first home? Does it kick in after five years of working full time? 10? Do you feel like an adult once all your towels match and you've picked out wallpaper? Is it different for every person? Does everyone just pretend to be an adult until one day they wake up and believe it about themselves?

At this point I'm betting that last one. As it goes, fake it until you make it!

At Home, Here

Y'all, I swear I just swept the porch.

I spend many mornings on the front porch with a cup of coffee and a book. Sometimes I sit engrossed in the story but many morning the book sits, open and ignored, on my lap. Instead I am engrossed in my new home. I hear the birds calling to each other ('pretty bird, pretty bird' and "ratchhharatchhha'). I watch my neighbors drive by and the squirrels scamper through my yard and into someone else's. If I sit out in the evening with a glass of wine I am witness to kids playing games that I'm sure if I got close enough would remind me of the ones I played 15 or so years ago.

We're happy here in the yellow rental house under the pines. We're happy in our jobs, him at the lab and me in yet another store. I've spent the past few days trying to figure out why we're happy (because, of course, it is not enough to be happy without analyzing--what is wrong with me?). We're in a new state so far from everyone we know and love. So far from our comforts and the familiar and yet we're happy. Yesterday afternoon, walking through the USC campus, dripping in sweat in the 100 degree heat, I figured it out. We're happy because we're moving forward.

Life in Arlington for the past few years was about treading water: finish school, keep my job, don't commit further than two years because then we're outta here, baby. We were making moves to get to where we wanted to be but most of those moves were stationary. Now here we are in a brand new city actually in the future we talked about for so long! We are out of school and employed in our field of choice. We're making decisions for now and next year and the year after that. For so long we were warming up at the starting line and this move down here was like the gun firing and oh boy, we're off!

Now watch us fly. 

focused on the now

Life right now is in a holding pattern. We are waiting for news but for now there is no more we can do to prepare. Every day feels like a breath inhaled and every night we go to sleep without exhaling--waiting for a phone call that will change our lives. It is hard for me to live without control or plans going farther than the week ahead. I set dates months in advance and plan adventures for half a year away but right now our yearly calendar is blank. Every month is just a giant question mark asking "where will we be?"

To weather the unknown I have been spending a lot of my time focusing on our current home. Hanging picture frames on the walls keeps me happy and feeling a little more in control. The anticipation of moving away from my first home as a grown up, my first home as a wife, our first home as a family is emotionally challenging but also highly motivating! I have framed more photos and nailed more nails in the last two months than the four years prior. I am in a rush to "finish" this home because I can actually feel time running out. If I don't hang the family gallery wall in the hallway now it will never happen! So I did, last night, and it is just as I imagined. 

It feels important to me to make this the home I always wanted it to be before I leave. I am not really sure why. Although, in discussions with my best friend she reminds me that I need it to look like I always dreamed so I can photograph it in all its glory and have those photographs to look back on forever. Which makes perfect sense (it is so good to have friends who know you so well). In the meantime, the framing and the decorating gives me a project to focus on now so I don't spend all my time focused on a future that is out of my control.