snapshots from Nice

 

I wish I was curled in a beach chair in Nice soaking in the sun and reading a book. I haven't read a book since I got home from vacation. It's too hard to focus in the real world. Post-vacation funk is hard to shake!

me me me

I've been home for nine days now. In the past nine days, I've worked seven, applied for two jobs, interviewed for one. I've spent hours talking to Kenneth, my parents, my girl friends and even my boss about what I want to do with  my life. What I want to do, who I want to be, how do I get where I'm going. I'm right at mid-twenties and all over my facebook page my friends are posting links to articles titled "my twenties aren't what I expected them to be," "quarter life crisis," and "how to tell you're in your twenties." All these articles help me feel less alone. A little more certain that I am not the only one who is still trying to figure it out.

The end goal is clear: Kenneth, the farm, kids, a life of simple goodness with the people I love. The timeline for this is a little more questionable. Will it be two years, five years, ten years until we're settled into our forever home? I don't know, Kenneth doesn't know. The interim years, however many they may be, are hazy for me. I want to stay on the path that will get me to the life I want. But how do I know I'm on the right path? There is no answer book to check before I make a choice. I can't skip to the end of the book to make sure everything works out. 

The only thing I can do now is make the best decisions possible with the information I have. To stop trying to see four steps ahead and to play the move in front of me. I will cling to the ones I love and make sure my life feels good and true. At the end of the day that's the best I can do.

view from the Westin

Paris at Night.

happy wagon

 

 In the book Star Girl, the title character had a miniature wagon into which she would place pebbles representing happiness. Every time she was happy she placed a pebble in the wagon. Every time she was sad she took one out. I love this idea.

Spend the afternoon with a loved one.

Pebble in.

Get to work late.

Pebble out.

Start a new book.

Pebble in.

Lose a favorite scarf on the train.

Pebble out.

There is no chance of me keeping up with a literal happy wagon. The closest I get is making happy lists (I highly recommend doing this when you're having a bad day. Sit down with a pen and paper and start listing off things you have to be happy about. Once you start it's easy to fill the page and soon you'll feel better). What I like best about Star Girl's happy wagon is that it requires her to pay attention to what makes her happy. If you know what makes you happy you can take steps to fill your happy wagon often. 

This is a new concept to me. It wasn't until recently that I began to notice how much my own actions effected my happiness levels. On days when I oversleep, get to work late, eat ice cream for dinner, and neglect my chores to lie on the couch and watch TV, I am unhappy. When I lose my temper, break something through carelessness, or forget my loved ones, I am unhappy. All of these actions rob my wagon of pebbles. 

To fill my happy wagon up I:
drink a cup of coffee slowly in the morning.
nurture a balcony garden.
make time to see/talk to friends/family.
eat a healthy diet of whole foods.
run (a newly discovered joy-giver)
cook food.
talk about food.
think about food.
spend time with Kenneth.

The top photos of me are, in my opinion, unflattering. But I love them. I love them because they are pictures of me in one of my happiest places doing some of my happiest things. I love spending time in the kitchen. In this case I'm chopping up dark chocolate to make grain-free chocolate "chip" cookies with Kenneth. Looking at these pictures, remembering the fun evening baking with my love, fills my happy wagon to the brim!

What fills your happy wagon, friends?

a recipe

The perfect day:

an early morning run along the bike path,

four feet moving in twos.

Coffee with milk and honey,

then a second cup.

The usual adventure

to the market, the bookstore,

another day, another errand.

In the kitchen together

making dinner, drinking wine.

Sun set, moon rise

in the garden.

Good night.