Thursday, April 2, 2015

focused on the now

Life right now is in a holding pattern. We are waiting for news but for now there is no more we can do to prepare. Every day feels like a breath inhaled and every night we go to sleep without exhaling--waiting for a phone call that will change our lives. It is hard for me to live without control or plans going farther than the week ahead. I set dates months in advance and plan adventures for half a year away but right now our yearly calendar is blank. Every month is just a giant question mark asking "where will we be?"
To weather the unknown I have been spending a lot of my time focusing on our current home. Hanging picture frames on the walls keeps me happy and feeling a little more in control. The anticipation of moving away from my first home as a grown up, my first home as a wife, our first home as a family is emotionally challenging but also highly motivating! I have framed more photos and nailed more nails in the last two months than the four years prior. I am in a rush to "finish" this home because I can actually feel time running out. If I don't hang the family gallery wall in the hallway now it will never happen! So I did, last night, and it is just as I imagined. 
It feels important to me to make this the home I always wanted it to be before I leave. I am not really sure why. Although, in discussions with my best friend she reminds me that I need it to look like I always dreamed so I can photograph it in all its glory and have those photographs to look back on forever. Which makes perfect sense (it is so good to have friends who know you so well). In the meantime, the framing and the decorating gives me a project to focus on now so I don't spend all my time focused on a future that is out of my control.

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