Wednesday, February 4, 2015

learning to fail

 I remember drawing as a child in after school care. There were a group of us sitting in the little seats at a little round table and we were all drawing an underwater scene; fishes, algae, and blue waters. I remember looking at my drawing and looking at my friend's drawing and noticing the difference. Hers was good, mine wasn't. That is the first time I realized I was failing at something. More accurately, it was the first time I realized I wasn't good at art. Somewhere in the years between then and now I internalized the idea that I wasn't crafty or artistic. Sure I could take photos--but when it came to making something with my own two hands I knew (knew deep inside) that I would fail at it. 
Then I fell in love with the idea of knitting, sewing, quilting, making. I had to make a change inside and learn to ignore an internal truth about myself--that I would fail. Or I had to learn to live with the idea of failure and not be afraid of it. So slowly, very slowly, I have learned to become comfortable with failing. As I knit my sweater I make mistakes and I learn what I can do differently next time. And it's all right. I cast on a pair of socks too loose and have to frog them time and time again. And it's all right. I pick up a paint brush and learn again just how hard it is for me to translate ideas to watercolors. And it's all right. It is all right.
I may never excel at anything of these crafts I attempt. But I will try. I will fail. I will learn. I will make. 

And it's all right.

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